Right off the bat (that’s a joke- get it????) we ran
into a problem. It seems that there are rules in baseball about spitballs. And
Shadow, I’m sorry to say, throws nothing but spitballs.
(I throw spitballs too, but mine are much more genteel, and have a lot
less spit on them.) So we decided that we shouldn’t try out to be pitchers.
Batting is also a problem
for dogs, as holding a heavy bat in your mouth and swinging at a ball requires
strong jaw muscles and well-rooted teeth. On the positive side, we canine
athletes have a very small strike zone.
My Boarder Collie work
ethic came in handy here, and in no time at all my mouth had become accustomed
to the weight of the bat and the jarring thud as the bat connects with the
ball. My batting average rose steadily until I was batting .327. Shadow did
quite well too, but his forte will always be catching balls in his mouth. I am
happy to report that both of us adapted quite well to the switch from tennis balls
(which are a lot softer) to baseballs.
Picture of Human Hitting a Baseball.
Note that he holds his bat the easy way, in his hands and not in his mouth.
It was time for Shadow
and me to visit the
various teams for try-outs.
I’m sad to report that
many Major League Baseball
teams showed a decided bias against canine athletes.
Shadow and I did not think their “pee-on-the-umpire"
jokes were particularly funny. (Although I must admit that Buddy might just do something like
that.)
And ONE ball player
(whose name I won’t mention) scattered sausage chunks in the outfield just as I
was making
an exceedingly difficult jumping catch with the ball bouncing off of the back
fence. I almost made the catch anyway, but the team manager was not impressed.
Getting to play major league baseball was going to be harder than I had
expected.
The sausage was delicious.
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